ventilation to the max

so i know i’m brash. i’m bold, and i am not afraid to say what i want to say. i’m mostly spice and salsa, not sugar and cupcakes; rainbows and butterflies. i can be a brat.
i tend to defend by getting loud and will push until all of it is out – if you’re gonna attack, i will make sure that i am not leaving behind a damn thing. yes, i am be intimidating. yes, i have offended people. but do those people really matter? no.

dr. seuss says: “those that matter don’t mind, and those that mind, don’t matter.”

so then when you look at someone and expect them to just bend over and do something different, move over and change for you… i am not that person. call that the feminist within me, but you cannot expect a person to bow down and change themselves just because you’re sensitive. lashing out back, does not help either. nor does giving up. i feel like all of those happened today. i’m sorry that one does not like confrontation, but sometimes, that happens. dear gawd one cannot avoid it forever. i haven’t felt so much like a piece of packaging being dumped off at my house than in a long time – right when i thought, i guess, that we were starting to get somewhere or another, he closed down completely, and told me that he was bringing me home.
that was it. he was done.
so i know that people all have different ways of dealing with things. i cannot handle/stand it when it ends up being left there floating above us like storm clouds ready to strike… it kills me. this will eat at me – my empathetic side will want this all set and fine and the pride within me with hold my nose up pissed at the same time. weird storm swarming up.

how does that help, though? walking away? am i allowed to be okay with the fact that i think that that is really just bloody immature? that’s not wrong, right? my “own opinion” and blah blah? because if i know him at all, he sat on his ass at home. doing nothing. or talked to his sister. or doing both.
just la-dee-dah. because that’s what we do with relationships. just throw them out the window.

 

venting: over.

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