target practice

there’s also nothing worse than waking up and realizing they didn’t text you. they didn’t call. granted, it wasn’t that bad of an argument. it was actually a super stupid one, and again, it had to do with communication and misreading each other.
but what generally disappoints me [?] frustrates me [?], is that i normally am the first one to text in the first place any way, when none of this stupid drama is occurring. so to think he is actually going to text or call me, is slim/rare. i highly doubt it. so this is the point where i wonder how long does one wait, because there is when my pride eats at me because i’m going, he unceremoniously dropped me off, and i probably could have gotten out of the car without him saying a single word as well, but i said thanks, and he basically just looked at me. mumbled out a “you’re welcome/talk to you later” i think? honestly, i have no idea.
how old are we? 25? that’s not how we are supposed to act. hence me wanting to “fix” it then and there. my brother made a valid point last night – was talking to him about it, and he was explaining about he doesn’t try to “fix” things due to the fact that it would be trying to “changing” the other person – we’re allowed to agree to disagree. right? so what happens if the other person doesn’t like that?

1050a i finally got a text. that he was sorry that he bailed on me. nothing about our argument. that he bailed. we have very different opinions on what relationships are. how they work, and what needs to happen. how does one compromise without “changing” ? i told him i didn’t want to change. that we should move on. i said i was sorry if i seemed hostile. that we are very different – he’s fuzzy carpet and i’m rough sandpaper, and that’s gonna be like that…. and he didn’t like that. i got told he didn’t get any support yesterday – so you know, as i’m trying to ask us not pointing fingers anymore? yeah. he did it. as i’m asking if we stop and move on? yeah, he’s not. relationships are uncomfortable. they’re completely comprised of everything you haven’t had before. right? yet he disagrees [that’s fine], and he’s not okay with the fact that i have a different view. i do not know where his pride is eating at him – did he expect me to come groveling back? to bend over backwards and say sorry five billion times and promise never to be hostile again? i warned him i wasn’t rainbow and sparkles… and i think he keeps thinking i’m going to dumb myself down to be. i’m not changing myself to fit into this damself-in-distress and fit into a mold just because he is sensitive and that he “doesn’t like” things. i shouldn’t have to put a filter on. that’s not fair to myself. if you like me, you like me for a reason, for ME, not for what you think i should be.
so why can’t we just move on?
what’s the problem with that?

this ain’t gonna end well if that ain’t gonna happen. and that hurt. having him tell me that: that i didn’t give him any support? ouch. that stung. if that’s what he was trying to do, than target hit: he made the shot.


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